“You can't have change without loss. You can't have beginnings without endings, but we’re typically not great about transitions.” — Melissa Douaire

Why this conversation matters

One part of life that I’ve become really curious about in the past few years is dying. I didn’t think about it at all when I was in college and played racquetball on a Saturday morning following a little too much end-of-the-week celebration the night before.

There were moments in the four decades that followed when death reared its head — close friends from my college years passed away, and I lost both my parents — but aside from the immediate grief, I continued to live life like most of us probably do: on cruise control. I got up, I went to work, I pursued my personal interests, and I went to bed. Rinse and repeat.

Looking back, did I work through my grief and come out whole, or were certain thoughts lowered into the grave with whoever had just passed?

Let me answer this way: My older sister died recently. As she was only four years older than me, her death has me really curious about two big questions:

What loose ends do I have with people that I would regret for eternity if I left them unresolved?
And how might I live differently now, more meaningfully?

If you were curious enough to go beyond the episode title, and you’re still reading or listening, I know I’m not the only person thinking about all of this.

My guest

Melissa Douaire has more than 15 years of experience supporting those who are grieving. She is recognized for her gifts and expertise as a compassionate listener, faithful optimist, and knowledgeable confidante. Melissa earned her Masters in Divinity from Chicago Theological Seminary. She is an ordained UCC minister and a certified grief counselor.

Takeaways

• Grieving can lead to empowerment and gaining greater control in one’s life.

• Grief can result from any life change and can magnify whatever issues lie underneath the surface of loss.

• Complicated past relationships may complicate our ability to work through the grief in the present.

•Leaders whose organizations are changing must be aware that their people will struggle with that change and transition, which can negatively impact creativity and productivity.

• Are we living the life we want to live?

• Getting out into nature can help to get you out of your head. “Go find some awe!”

• When we’re personally feeling untethered or unground, it’s usually because we’re experiencing a change on some level.

• If you're honest with yourself, you can look at death and use it as a tool to help you look at life.